I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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