That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
