wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
