I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
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I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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