I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
