That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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