And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
