HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize