I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
