This is not my ceiling
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
