you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
