I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You ruined the universe
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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