you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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