Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
