I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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