i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
