They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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