We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
