Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
