i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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