dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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