i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
