awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We are all done wearing pants today
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
