i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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