My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
