its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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