it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
