I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
