i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
