When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
