I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
