i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
