dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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