Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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