apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
