How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize