I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
