I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
