Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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