We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
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