Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
