I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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