There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
