I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
