You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
