This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
this will be a night to untag.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
