you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
