he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
