My sheets look like a crime scene.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
