It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
