You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
