cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
