i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
