Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
