Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
