I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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