does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize