If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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