I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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