Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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