ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
