some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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