I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
