mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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