After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
