Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
