I CAN MOONWALK!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
