As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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