sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My ass is underappreciated
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
