He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
