I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
