we made out on top of his cat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
