when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do herpes really smell.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
