She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
