READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
