On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
