Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
