i would punch a child for taco bell
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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