Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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