My balls are so social today.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
