im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
