I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
